just another reflection

ever since i met sj, my life has changed quite a bit, slowly i can see things that are far more than what i observed, realizing things i'd never even thought of, like the bad side of me, starting from my temper, my ego, my wording, my overall presentation, so on and so for...i dont know how, but she has her own way of treating people, like sometimes she has no intention, but the way she convey her thoughts to me, making me realize and felt that guilt and disappointment of myself - to me, and from her, i can see that im that kind of person that needs to be taught through the soft way, if anyone goes too direct and loud to me, the situation will only going to become worst! maybe sj is too kind to scold me, or can say that she never intended to make me feel bad or something, or maybe its because im too worried of how she judge me? anyhow, im just glad that i met sj, no matter what's gonna be in the future, i really hope for the best to her, her karma will bring the best fortune for her future!! 

i dont see any reason behind why i should be seeing the people that doesn't appreciate me, and doesn't even wanna look at me, unless its because of commitments, otherwise, treating them good is like treating me bad, i sounded selfish, but i wouldn't want to hurt myself, so as anyone else, in NO MATTER HOW THEY TREATED ME DURING THE PAST, i will still create my own story, own reason, own explanation to forgive them, not because im being "faking-ly humble", but for my own, so that i wont be holding the frust and anger till the day i close my eyes forever, ESPECIALLY from my experience, THE WORST FEELING IS NOT BECAUSE PEOPLE DONT LOVE ME, is the feeling of everyday when i wake up with the fear of someone's gonna kick my back, or being pushed around, or being left out, or being set in a trap, or being manipulated, which physically meant "being bullied"...anyhow, i dont like to recall the past, i just want to be happy during the present, and being better in the future! and i really believe in karma, so i would just forget what and how those people in my past bullied and hurt me, i'll just hope that im able to treat everyone as good as i can, so the next time they wont felt that kind of fear im going through, that i hold to myself through all the difficult years..

NEVER GIVE UP!!

HEBAT!!!